Answering All the LDR Questions (with Co-writer Greg!)

Today is the first time I have a CO-WRITER on a blog post, and a very special one indeed. My boyfriend, Greg, is joining me today to talk about our experience having a long-distance relationship and what we've learned!

Sometimes I feel like I should rename my blog "Things-I-Wish-I-Knew-But-I Didn't-So-I'm-Telling-You" but that doesn't have quite enough ring to it ;-) instead, I'll just start this post by saying that sharing this experience is so exciting for us, and we are not experts but perhaps you can learn from our failures, or at least give our insights some thought!

So let’s start with a little background information -- Greg and I will tag-team this!

Greg: Meg and I became friends through our best friend, Caroline, during Meg's sophomore year of high school. We later started dating when I was a senior and Meg was a junior. When we started dating, we both knew that we had the tough bridge of me going to college next year, but we decided to be present every day, taking one day at a time, and cross that bridge when it comes to us. 

Meg: Greg decided to go to college in our hometown (go flyers!) because the program was perfect for him -- not because of our relationship! But I was grateful to have him close nonetheless. That year of adjustment -- not quite apart but not quite together -- was great to prepare us for the next year of me going 8 hours away to USC.

Our first picture together in 2016 -- ugly brown school uniforms and all! We started dating half a year later.

G: We just want to let you know that long-distance is a process, not a destination, and we are very much not arrived. We don’t have it all figured out, but over the last two years, we feel like we have learned a lot of tips that might help you or your loved ones. 

M: Long distance is hard, really hard, but it’s worth it so long as you don’t compromise your joy, peace, and contentedness in your life. As long as you feel like your LDR is life-giving, even when it’s hard to miss the other person at times, I say go for it! I’d rather have Greg in my life from a distance than not at all, and we’ve found ways to support and love each other through the distance.

Today we’ll be answering some questions that you all asked!

Q: Do they actually work?

M: Studies say about half of long-distance relationships work out in the end, and we’re willing to take those odds! Jordan Lee Dooley has great advice as well that helped guide how we were going to live out our relationship.

G: We’re so lucky to have great LDR role models in our life: My sister, Ashley, and her husband, Jake, who started dating in high school as well. They got married after 10 years of dating, five of which were distance! 

Q: What’s the best way to coordinate talking with different class schedules?

M: SHARED GOOGLE CALENDAR. We both shared our g-cals with each other so we could see our class times compared and  know when each other would be unavailable. Be creative and don’t discount little blocks of time that you know you can depend on. For example, we had a ten-minute block of time every MWF morning where we would be walking to class at the same time. I looked forward to these calls and counted on them as a time to say good morning and briefly catch up!

G: Don’t take ten minutes for granted! You’ll soon learn that the hard way ;-)

Q: How do you communicate besides texting, FaceTime etc.?

G: We like to get old-fashioned! Turns out, giving and receiving mail is a thousand times cooler than texting. Be original. I loved sending Meg cards that I would buy while grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s. Sending packages, like Meg’s favorite cookies from home, was a way to make our relationship more tangible. One of the greatest surprises was receiving a box of small goodies and a note from Meg. 

M: We would also email each other articles, send Instagram DM’s of cool things we find (it really does go down in the DM’s), send voice memos, and Venmo each other a few dollars for coffee on us when the other person needs a little extra encouragement.

Q: What communication issues did you face?

M: Trying to catch each other up on EVERYTHING happening in our lives. At the end of the day, what boring lecture I had or what temperature it is outside isn’t crucial. 

G: Getting out of the habit of saying go-to cliches like always starting a conversation with “how are you?” I would always try to be spontaneous and different in conversation. It’s also important to be patient on the phone and try not to interrupt the other person. Talking without body language or facial expressions is hard so Facetime instead of call when you can.

M: When you’re on the phone or Facetiming, treat the other person as you would if you were really together. Don’t be on your phone or doing something else. 

Q: How can you be intentional with the other person?

G: We had so much fun going on Facetime “dates” to the same restaurant. I looked up places that were in both Dayton and Columbia and we would go to them and eat a meal.

M: On our anniversary, we dressed up and went to Whole Foods. We started Facetiming as soon as we got into the parking lot, picked out our meals on Facetime, and ate “together.” 

The virtual Whole Foods date!

Q: How long did you go without seeing each other for a time?

M: Nine weeks! It sucked! 

G: We were apart more than we were together. But that doesn’t mean that we grew apart in our relationship, we just had more time to better ourselves which ultimately makes us a better couple.

Q: What’s the hardest part?

M: The hardest part for me is the anticipation of saying goodbye and actually saying goodbye. Once I get back to school and can focus on studies

G: The constant wanting to be together, especially when you see other couples out. You have to learn to be okay with it. 

M: It can be frustrating to try to find time to connect, and that's okay! Honestly, a lot of the time I looked like this:

G: Long distance has totally refined us as a couple. We don’t sweat the small stuff, it has made us more mature, grateful, and better able to value each other’s time. It reminds us of the universal truth: you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone!

_________

Thank you, Greg, for co-writing with me! And thank you to everyone who asked us questions -- you got this!

Stay Sunny,

Meg